The Legend of the Unforgivably Hot Summer in the Philippine Archipelago

Mother Earth kinda thought Philippines was getting fatter by the minute. She tried asking him to move his big butt and actually swim, instead of just floating around lazily at the Pacific Ocean, to at least shed a few mountains... but this country was just too lazy. She tried many other times to convince the fat land to move, but all her attempts were in vain... In the end, she just locked Philippines up in a sauna, and decided not to let him out for three months. "If ya wanna live unduh mah roof," she puckered her lips, then said, "then ya gotta fit through the door! Oh, suh-nap!"

Moral of the story:
Sometimes, yo' mammas' joke's on you.