Soup

by Joyce Jorge

Everything seems quiet and still. Amidst the lessons that need to be studied, assignments that need to be finished, and time that needs to be efficiently spent, I have immersed myself in self-induced limbo.

My body ultimately craves procrastination—in sleeping and in studying. I have achieved the perfect form. I have disciplined myself to be the embodiment of such ideals that I unconsciously uphold.

In this moment, deep-seated thoughts inside of my unconsciousness burst forth, creating a torrent of reflections and feelings--a torrent that would otherwise be contained in my normal state. I begin to express my true feelings, and begin to show my true condition.

So, am I not real in front of others? Am I showing a hypocritical approach to my personality?

Maybe I am afraid that if I deal my dilemma straight on, I will uncover many things I have purposely hidden at the back of my mind.

The layers of pretense and manners stripped away, lay myself—and none of it shows outwardly. I begin to reflect.

 What’s on your mind?

At first glance, this may be easy to answer, but what I seek to understand is what my conscious understanding on every aspect of my life really is.

What do you want?

I am human, and one of my natural instincts is to desire something, whether it is good or bad. I may not care whether I will be in hot water if I get what I want. But I still want to get what I want.

Suddenly, I remember the things I’ve been thinking about these past few days. Most of them are not pretty, and I’ve got to admit, it bothers me.

What are you talking about?

I don’t know either.